Category: reflection

Pursuit of Peace

Pursuit of Peace

A couple weeks ago, I made a trip to my parents’ house to celebrate the 4th of July with a nice homecooked meal (and since I didn’t want to be eating leftovers for the next while, I needed more than one person at the meal).  While my dad was outside, my sister and I were working on the meal as my mom looked through some mail.  We were chatting about different things and my mom was reading a letter from an organization defending religious liberty.  She mentioned that 100-something people were killed in a horrible manner recently in a country in the Middle East.  I don’t remember specifics.  I just remember how I felt.

My heart ached.  She finished her sentence and I asked if we could talk about something else…and then I just broke. Continue reading “Pursuit of Peace” →

The Need for Reform

The Need for Reform

A group of atheists in my town is spending money to buy billboard space to convince people there is nothing.  The only other group that quickly comes to mind that spends so much time and money to prove that there is nothing are those fiercely for abortion.

The atheist group has chosen to utilize one of the best arguments for there not being a God: evil and suffering exist.  The billboard points to the millions who died in World War II as evidence of there being nobody who heard the prayers of the Christians and Jews.  It is a compelling argument.  Nearly everyone can point to an instance in their life or in the life of someone they know that seems to not mesh with a good and all-loving God.  But what if the state of the world pointed more to the depravity of which mankind is capable rather than the non-existence of God? Continue reading “The Need for Reform” →

Ordinary

Ordinary

“What do your parents do?”
“My dad is a retired firefighter and now drives people at a retirement home.  My mom stayed home with us when we were young and now works as a receptionist at a clinic.”
“Hmm.  I thought it would be something different…I thought your dad would be a politician or something.”
“Nope.  My dad is pretty ordinary.”

Some of the people at the table laugh and one says that the next time he sees my dad, he will tell him that I said he is ordinary.

“What did they do to teach the faith?  Did you go to daily Mass?”
“No.  We prayed the rosary sometimes and usually prayers at night.  My parents just talked about the faith very openly and we always went to Mass on Sunday.  My parents are pretty ordinary.  They just did what they were supposed to: they were our primary educators in the faith.” Continue reading “Ordinary” →

In Defense of Travel

In Defense of Travel

My parents never placed great emphasis on having things.  We were far from impoverished, but I grew up knowing that we wouldn’t have the newest and latest gadget or toy.  The car I drove throughout high school was fondly nicknamed “The Beast,” largely because it was old, rusty, and muffler-less.  Our go-to cups for my niece and nephews are the cleaned out Kraft cheese spread glass containers from the many cheese balls my mom has made over the years.  Our compost buckets are emptied out ice cream pails and it is a struggle to remember a time when my parents let me throw away food from my supper plate.

Although these stories of my thrifty parents are nothing compared to my grandparents’ stories (the masters of frugal living, I believe), it was different from the way that many others in my generation grew up.  I am at the younger end in my family and so most of my high school friends had parents who were significantly younger.  Depending on how you break up generations, my older siblings could belong to a different generation than me.  Whatever the reason, I grew up knowing that things can provide only so much happiness. Continue reading “In Defense of Travel” →

Beloved Fatima

Beloved Fatima

My sister said that the closer we got, the larger my smile became.  I couldn’t help it.  I was returning to a place that I had visited twice before and it had a certain feeling of coming home.  The bus pulled up and let us out, excitedly spilling onto the platform before setting out on our mission.

I had returned again to my beloved Fatima, Portugal.  This was the second “Marian bookend” of my Camino in the summer of 2014.  Prior to walking the Camino, we had visited Lourdes.  Now, we were on a celebratory trip to Fatima.

2d2d8-fatima Continue reading “Beloved Fatima” →

Journals

Journals

Would I want my great-grandchildren to read my journals?

This was something I pondered this past week with a couple friends.  My initial response is one of mild horror.  Someone reading my journals?  Learning about the deep secrets I have attempted to lay bare for the sake of my sanity?  I was not in favor of it.  Not unless I could self-edit some of the more ridiculous parts, leaving the entries that would make me look holy and intelligent.

Though I have slowed down in the past year, I have written fairly extensively about the inner-workings of my heart and mind.  They aren’t literary masterpieces, but I like to write honestly and in detail.  The journals are primarily prayer journals.  Yet I strive to speak to Jesus as I would to a closest friend which means that they are riddled with exaggeration, frustration, and melancholy as well as excitement, joy, and great fervor.

Yet the only consolation I can conjure when thinking about my great-grandchildren reading my journals is that I would be dead if that happened.  And if I would be dead, then I would hardly be concerned with what they were reading.  But as it so happens, right now I am very much alive and the hypothetical situation alarms me.  I cannot help but wonder what they or anyone else would think should they stumble upon my journals.

Currently, I am on my tenth (or so) journal and I began shortly before college started.  They are of different shapes and styles but I lean toward the elegant ones with built in bookmarks because they make me feel as though I am writing a real book.  A couple are travel journals, speaking of excursions during my semester abroad as well as the Camino.

“Wouldn’t you want to read your Great-grandmother’s journals if you could?” my friend asks me as we discuss the situation.  Perhaps.  Of course it would be interesting and give a glimpse into the life of someone I never knew.  But I just assume my Great-grandmother wasn’t half as ridiculous as I am.  At least, I hope for her sake she wasn’t.

Perhaps, I pondered, I could simply request that they burn my journals after I die.  Yet there is little to stop them from not following my wishes and there have been several times in history where such requests were not followed.  In fact, such a request would probably heighten curiosity.  Yet the thought of me burning my journals is too difficult at this point.  They are friends.  They reveal previous versions of Trish that are all still very much present in my life today.  Today I re-read part of a journal from about five years ago and was a bit peeved to discover I am still very much as I was then.  The progress of this heart is slow and tedious.

Only the Lord knows when I will die so I won’t spend too much time worrying about people reading the secrets of my heart etched on paper.  These journals would certainly curtail any canonization process, that is for certain!  If my great-grandchildren read them, they would be more convinced of my utter humanity and how foolishness pervades every generation.  But, I suppose, the writings could also encourage them and reveal parts of my necessary conversions.

I don’t have plans for now to start editing my journals or changing the way I write.  But if I happen to die soon, I caution anyone with the desire to crack open those journals and read them.  And as for those hypothetical great-grandchildren reading them, as I told my friends, at the rate I’m going, I don’t have to even think about meeting them unless we start living well into our hundreds.

Nothing Wasted

Nothing Wasted

“Gather the fragments left over,
so that nothing will be wasted.”

At Mass yesterday, this verse from John’s Gospel struck me.  I heard it that morning when a group of students and faculty gathered in the chapel to open the day with prayer. Once again, it stood out to me during Mass.

Nothing will be wasted.

What a beautiful promise the Lord makes to us in that one verse.  He was speaking of the bread that had been multiplied to feed the hungry who had come together to hear Him preach.  If He says this about bread, how much more would He say it about my life? Continue reading “Nothing Wasted” →

To Be Known

To Be Known

After a long hiatus, I was out for a run, breathing in the distinct aroma of campfires in the cool spring evening.  The sun was setting and the sidewalks were essentially empty as I plodded along.  My mind sifted through different thoughts and different prayers.  For a while, it focused on my experience of the gaze of Jesus.

During my recent silent retreat, I was struck by the intensity and the depth of Jesus gazing at me.  I had entered into the story of the woman using her precious ointment for Jesus, but I felt I needed to go into her past more.  What made her go to Jesus and give Him her most precious possession?  To, in the eyes of the world, waste her fortune and her future?  I was drawn back to woman about to be stoned after being found in the act of adultery.  And I became her. Continue reading “To Be Known” →

Today

Today

Today was a good day.

I slept in later than I should have and rushed to get ready in time.  Rushing around, I didn’t eat breakfast and threw a bagel in my lunch bag.  Preparing to submit my grades during my lunch time, I completely forgot to eat my lunch/bagel.  A student asked me why we don’t have a class that covers all of the bad things Catholics have done in the past.  And my supervisor mentioned (in a kind way) that I never date.  (I had noticed.)

But today was still a good day.

I met this morning with lovely young ladies and we talked about preparing ourselves for the relationships for which we all long.  I had multiple times today where I would realize, “Hey, I’m doing this teaching thing!”  A couple moments with my seniors resulted in laughter, partly because I am less defensive than I’ve been in previous years and I was able to take things in stride with a smile.  Today, I laughed: when a student flipped his pencil to the ceiling (and looked like he surprised himself), when a student asked if I would take them all to walk the Camino (my answer: I don’t think we would all make it to the end alive), and with various friends during conversations.  I had a cup of coffee in a mug decorated with pictures from a trip my sister and I took.  During school, I prayed the Holy Sacrificed of the Mass.  I made Thai food.  I read more in my current book.  I was able to talk about art and martyrdom today and feel passionate for the topics even if my students appeared less than excited to hear about them.  One of my housemates shared her leftover cheesecake.  And I can hear a couple of my housemates trying to figure out the suspenseful show they are watching.

Today was a good day.  The Lord used the nothing that I had and He brought about something.  It wasn’t perfect and it probably could have been better if I had given more of myself.  Thank You, Jesus, for this day.