What about me?

On Wednesday it was beautiful weather for an evening stroll.  So I set out, planning to take in the spring warmth and call a friend to catch up.  She didn’t answer.  I left a voicemail and then called another.  And another.  And another.  None of them answered, but I was getting pretty good at leaving voicemails.

I was trying to think of another friend I could attempt.  Lord, who should I call?  And then, quickly, the prompting came: What about me?

Oh.

There was a longing in my heart, but one that I have been pretty good about pushing away lately.  I want to spend time with Him, but I am also very good at making up excuses for why I cannot.  So I changed my course and walked to the adoration chapel a few blocks from my house.

It is a 24-hour adoration chapel.  Sometimes when I go, though, the monstrance is covered with a cloth because the person scheduled for the hour did not show up.  Wednesday was one of those days.  When this happens, I have to smile to myself a little.  The Lord didn’t want to be alone and so He called me to Himself.  I walked into the chapel a couple minutes into seven o’clock and had Jesus to myself for the next hour, even though I had only planned to stop for 15 minutes or so.

I wavered between consciousness and falling asleep during that time.  I asked the Lord what He was doing in/with my life and I told Him about some of my dreams and desires, things He has heard me babble on about for so long.  But I was there and I was spending time with the friend who never even needed to be called–He was always there, waiting for me to come talk to Him.

“When you approach the tabernacle remember that he has been waiting for you for twenty centuries.”  –St. Josemaria Escriva