“That was the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen,” a student openly told another after I showed them (what I thought was) a funny video clip.
And we’re back. School was in its opening week and I already felt as though I was in the thick of it. Of course, my pride felt a little wounded at such a declaration. I was quick to think, “That is rather unlikely. You’ve probably seen far stupider things.” Another part of me wanted to put her in her place immediately. Continue reading “The Things They Say”
There is something about truth that attracts.
It isn’t because the truth is always what we want to hear. Many times, it is the exact opposite. Truth, however, spoken ardently and sincerely can be a powerful force, a compelling and crushing beauty.
Challenging someone with unadorned truth can provoke change. And it can be a testament to the great love and respect the truth-teller has for the other. These reflections I’ve had spring from a rather unlikely source: I watched a movie. Continue reading “Speak Truth”
A couple weeks ago, I made a trip to my parents’ house to celebrate the 4th of July with a nice homecooked meal (and since I didn’t want to be eating leftovers for the next while, I needed more than one person at the meal). While my dad was outside, my sister and I were working on the meal as my mom looked through some mail. We were chatting about different things and my mom was reading a letter from an organization defending religious liberty. She mentioned that 100-something people were killed in a horrible manner recently in a country in the Middle East. I don’t remember specifics. I just remember how I felt.
My heart ached. She finished her sentence and I asked if we could talk about something else…and then I just broke. Continue reading “Pursuit of Peace”
For we have not a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sinning. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrew 4:15-16)
One of the first times I really heard this passage, several things about it struck me as completely perfect for my life in that moment. And even if I don’t remember the specific state of my life, I am able to point to several parts of this passage that have a perennial blast of truth. Continue reading “Receive Mercy”
A group of atheists in my town is spending money to buy billboard space to convince people there is nothing. The only other group that quickly comes to mind that spends so much time and money to prove that there is nothing are those fiercely for abortion.
The atheist group has chosen to utilize one of the best arguments for there not being a God: evil and suffering exist. The billboard points to the millions who died in World War II as evidence of there being nobody who heard the prayers of the Christians and Jews. It is a compelling argument. Nearly everyone can point to an instance in their life or in the life of someone they know that seems to not mesh with a good and all-loving God. But what if the state of the world pointed more to the depravity of which mankind is capable rather than the non-existence of God? Continue reading “The Need for Reform”
One of my friends and I were looking at a listing of the different “definitions of Hell” based on a person’s Myers-Briggs personality type. There were a few that seemed to fit well with me, but the one that stood out was for the INTJ personality. “Every time you open your mouth to say something intelligent, something entirely idiotic comes out instead.”
We agreed that the scenario would be pretty awful. Then I remembered when I had my four wisdom teeth removed. I was awake for the procedure, but my mouth was injected and numbed so that I couldn’t feel pain. Afterwards, my mom came in to see me. For some reason, it was incredibly important for me to convey to my mom that I was still perfectly logical, even with all of the pain meds. Continue reading “Surrendering”
Anger is like a dead weight.
The fool thinks that anger will invade only one area of his life. He thinks that anger can be compartmentalized from the rest of one’s feelings and actions. That fool thinks that the heart can be subdivided, anger for some and happiness for the rest. He is wrong.
Or she.
Or me.
After days of being angry, I decided to not be. I will not, of course, downplay the workings of grace. Grace was imperative for me to see what I was choosing to do to my own heart. In the beautiful mystery that is God, the Holy Spirit prepared my heart to receive the graces needed to take a step away from the anger and frustration. Continue reading “Graced”
At Mass yesterday, this verse from John’s Gospel struck me. I heard it that morning when a group of students and faculty gathered in the chapel to open the day with prayer. Once again, it stood out to me during Mass.
Nothing will be wasted.
What a beautiful promise the Lord makes to us in that one verse. He was speaking of the bread that had been multiplied to feed the hungry who had come together to hear Him preach. If He says this about bread, how much more would He say it about my life? Continue reading “Nothing Wasted”
Today was a good day.
I slept in later than I should have and rushed to get ready in time. Rushing around, I didn’t eat breakfast and threw a bagel in my lunch bag. Preparing to submit my grades during my lunch time, I completely forgot to eat my lunch/bagel. A student asked me why we don’t have a class that covers all of the bad things Catholics have done in the past. And my supervisor mentioned (in a kind way) that I never date. (I had noticed.)
But today was still a good day.
I met this morning with lovely young ladies and we talked about preparing ourselves for the relationships for which we all long. I had multiple times today where I would realize, “Hey, I’m doing this teaching thing!” A couple moments with my seniors resulted in laughter, partly because I am less defensive than I’ve been in previous years and I was able to take things in stride with a smile. Today, I laughed: when a student flipped his pencil to the ceiling (and looked like he surprised himself), when a student asked if I would take them all to walk the Camino (my answer: I don’t think we would all make it to the end alive), and with various friends during conversations. I had a cup of coffee in a mug decorated with pictures from a trip my sister and I took. During school, I prayed the Holy Sacrificed of the Mass. I made Thai food. I read more in my current book. I was able to talk about art and martyrdom today and feel passionate for the topics even if my students appeared less than excited to hear about them. One of my housemates shared her leftover cheesecake. And I can hear a couple of my housemates trying to figure out the suspenseful show they are watching.
Today was a good day. The Lord used the nothing that I had and He brought about something. It wasn’t perfect and it probably could have been better if I had given more of myself. Thank You, Jesus, for this day.
“My people, what have I done to you or how have I offended you? Answer me! I led you out of Egypt, from slavery to freedom, but you led your Savior to the cross. My people, what have I done to you? How have I offended you? Answer me! For forty years I led you safely through the desert. I fed you with manna from heaven, and brought you to a land of plenty; but you led your Savior to the cross. What more could I have done for you? I planted you as my fairest vine, but you yielded only bitterness: when I was thirsty you gave me vinegar to drink, and you pierced your Savior with a lance.” (Reproaches of Good Friday)
Good Friday is a day of worlds colliding. We acknowledge the death of Our Lord and our role in it, but we also recall this as the glorious means for our salvation. The cross is an instrument of torture and yet we take time to exalt the cross, coming forward on bended knee to kiss Our Savior as He is fastened to it.
Today, we begin the Divine Mercy Novena which concludes on Divine Mercy Sunday. After the Good Friday service, we prayed the first day of the novena. And I couldn’t help but remember another time when I had prayed the Divine Mercy Chaplet. It was about six years ago and I stood on the cold, snowy ground of the Auschwitz concentration camp.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
We had already toured Auschwitz I. There I saw picture after picture of people who had entered that place of death. Next to each picture was a little card that gave the person’s name, their entrance date, and the date of their death. But the faces were what became engraved on my heart. I had heard for years about the number of people who died in the Nazi concentration camps, but to see only a fraction of their pictures changed statistics into human lives.
In silence, we loaded the bus so that we could go to Auschwitz II. Here we saw long barracks and miles of barbed wire fences. And we struggled to understand that human beings did this to other human beings. We saw cattle cars that humans arrived in and we surveyed the watchtowers that were situated to keep all under surveillance.
In the last few minutes of being there, we prayed the Divine Mercy Chaplet. Because what else can you do when surrounded by such a witness to the depravity of humanity? We could only make appeals to the mercy of God. I could not offer to God my own merit or good works because they are insufficient in the face of such tragedy. I can only offer His Son back to Him.
Eternal Father, I offer You the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your dearly beloved Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.
Kneeling during the Good Friday service and during the Divine Mercy Chaplet, I could not help but consider this again. In the wake of the death of Jesus Christ, I can offer nothing to atone for it. These hands were not physically there, but my sins were bought and paid for with His blood on that day. Even if I lived a perfect life, I could not make up for what has been done. The only offering I can make is Jesus Himself.
A couple years ago, I considered the words of the Divine Mercy Chaplet and I realized that it is truly a mercy that can only come from God. We plead our cause by offering to God the very One we killed. In any other situation, this would seem laughably grotesque. Imagine a murderer asking for clemency from a mother or father by invoking the name of the child killed. Not simply through their name but asking that through the child’s death mercy and forgiveness will be shown to the murderer. Such mercy is what can only come from God.
Good Friday comes down to accepting that I cannot do anything. In the Passion narrative, I am the one calling for His crucifixion and claiming that He is not my king. And I must say those words because I profess them often enough with my life. Good Friday isn’t about beating yourself up or trying to make yourself feel lousy. It is about accepting the role we have played in the death of Jesus Christ. He didn’t die, though, so that we could wallow in guilt and self-pity. He came to make us new. He came to utterly transform us. He came to take every part of us and to pour His perfect mercy over all the parts of our heart that most need it, yet are too fearful or prideful to plead for it.
Christ says “Give me All. I don’t want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work: I want You. I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it. No half-measures are any good. I don’t want to cut off a branch here and there, I want to have the whole tree down. I don’t want to drill the tooth, or crown it, or stop it, but to have it out. Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires which you think innocent as well as the ones you think wicked–the whole outfit. I will give you a new self instead. In fact, I will give you Myself: my own will shall become yours.” (Mere Christianity, p. 166)
Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion–inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is Love and Mercy itself.
(Closing prayer for the Divine Mercy Chaplet)
Seeking After His Heart 