Sometimes, I do stupid things. Sometimes, I make small, insignificant situations into large problems. That seems foolish, but then sometimes I turn around and make a big deal of the little thing I made a big deal of.
Because: logic isn’t always my strong suit when it comes to feelings.
A situation at school that I could, and should, have handled better, snowballed into something more than it ever should have been. Yet when it reached its conclusion, I found myself quickly sliding into annoyance with myself over the entire situation.
“Trish, really? You let a little thing become so much bigger than it logically should have been. This is your sixth year and you are in charge of the department. Shouldn’t you know better?”
Maybe, I should have. But that isn’t what happened.
Instead, I experienced a situation where I didn’t do the best. It is even more self-defeating, though, to beat myself up over the situation. I would thereby perpetuate the problem. In the scheme of my day, this was a small matter and I shouldn’t give it more weight by focusing more time and energy on how I mismanaged the problem.
Learn from the situation. Correct how I respond in the future. Plan how I will move forward. Yes.
Feel like I failed as a teacher. Mentally compare my response to that of every other teacher I know. Wonder what administration really thinks of me. Question why I have any more responsibility than last year. No. That isn’t even remotely helpful.
If the problem was making a big deal out of a little problem, I am attempting to learn from that mistake by not blowing this mistake out of proportion. How quickly I fall into self-condemnation and feeling as though I failed in my job. I am fairly confident in my patience with my students, but I often have the least amount of patience for myself.
Instead, I am taking a note from my coffee mug and I’m trying to “Choose to be grateful.” Thank You, Jesus, for this experience of humility. Thank You, Jesus, for reminding me that small things are small and that You conquered it all. Thank You, Jesus, for caring and for showing me that things that impact my heart are important, because they impact your heart, too.