Invincible Patience

Invincible Patience

“O God, strength of those who hope in you, who willed that the Bishop Saint John Chrysostom should be illustrious by his wonderful eloquence and his experience of suffering, grant us, we pray, that, instructed by his teachings, we may be strengthened through the example of his invincible patience.”
(Collect from the liturgy for St. John Chrysostom)

As a teacher about a month into an academic year, I was immediately drawn to the line regarding the “invincible patience” of St. John Chrysostom. A gentle patience which cannot be overcome by the antics of teens, by the sudden zipped lips when a question is asked, by the attitude which can flow at the most unfortunate moments. I need that. I need a patience which goes far beyond what I naturally possess.

This year, I have some class periods where we get along pretty well, some where we are fine but not overly close, and one which will require some ‘invincible patience’ on my part. It isn’t that they are bad. In fact, on the first day, I walked into my room at the bell and they all sat completely silent in their seats. This silence, initially humorous and perhaps a little welcomed, soon became a source of tension. It becomes a real burden to have class lectures/discussions when no one will volunteer to answer anything.

Yet, despite my dislike for the situation, I can see that this could be the start of some needed growth within. I have found that when confronting their silence, or their disinterest, or the refusal to participate I have a hardness that arises in my heart. I want to be strict and tough. When they sit there, annoyed at me or annoyed at the reality of school, I want to layer on the sarcasm and I want to angrily cold-call students, refusing to relent when they squirm.

Instead, I have been trying to be intentionally gentle when the fallen part of me wants fiery justice. When they give me zero energy in the classroom, I have been striving to be unfazed, carrying on notes with gusto (for me, gusto for me), calling on students with a smile (instead of the grimace I feel within), and offering more energy than I feel at that point in the day with their attitudes. I was proud of myself for gently coaching a student through a question when this student has shown a bit of an unsavory attitude in previous days. When completing a group activity competition, I let myself encourage the group that I naturally felt most inclined to root against, taking their engagement with the activity as a good sign of things to come.

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In the Wake of Scandal, Choose Sanctity

In the Wake of Scandal, Choose Sanctity

I mentally planned for the day.  I supplied myself with some resources, I opened pertinent tabs on my computer, and I waited for the moment.  Unanticipated, I felt a sick pit grow in my stomach and my heart ached a little at the prospect of what I was to do.

So I started with gauging their prior knowledge, as some teachers are apt to do.

“Have you heard about the sexual abuse scandal in Pennsylvania?”  Depending on the class and the age, a few or most heads would nod the affirmative.

“How about Archbishop McCarrick?  The papal nuncio Archbishop Vigano?”  Fewer heads nodded with each question, a few gesturing with their hands to show that it sounded vaguely familiar.

Then, to the best of my ability, I outlined for them situations that had been unfolding for the last several weeks.  I emphasized the lack of clarity and focused on what our bishop is asking from us as a response.  In a textbook we use for class, it says, “One of the few things in life that cannot possibly do harm in the end is the honest pursuit of the truth.”  And while that doesn’t mean that the truth won’t be painful to uncover, I encouraged them to pray for the truth to be revealed, regardless of the personal cost involved.

As I spoke to them, I felt a certainty in the Church settle into my heart and I felt like an older sister or a mother as I gently explained to them things that pained me.  While the circumstances are awful, the Church will endure and new saints will rise up to combat the evils of the present age.

Each generation is converted by the saint who contradicts it most.

G.K. Chesterton

Most of the classes listened closely with sad eyes and asked a few questions to understand the situation more.  One class reacted with more anger and bitterness.  It wasn’t entirely unsurprising because it is a situation where anger is justified.  Yet for young people who are initially uncertain about the Church, the blatant hypocrisy of the scandal is too much to take in.  I saw the scandal through their eyes and I wanted to cry.  My small heart ached and I felt the weight of these sins in a manner that I hadn’t yet permitted myself.   Continue reading “In the Wake of Scandal, Choose Sanctity”