The Price of Forgiveness

“Oh, my God, I am heartily sorry…”

Generally, when I begin to pray the Act of Contrition in Confession, I close my eyes. I prefer to go behind the screen and I like to close my eyes so I can focus on the words. As I started the prayer, I realized that the confessional I was using had a crucifix hanging on the screen at about eye level.

“for having offended Thee…”

My eyes shifted and fastened on Jesus. There He was, arms outstretched and pierced by nails. His total gift stood in stark contradiction to my selfishness and inability to sacrifice. Yet as I spoke the words directly to Him, I was struck by the rightness of it all.

“I detest all my sins because I dread the loss of Heaven and the pains of Hell…”

My sin crucified Him. And though there was nothing new that I was learning, I was seeing in a deeper way what my sin brought about. Here I was, staring at the very reality that made the words I was saying efficacious. Without His death, my words were a vain pleading for reconciliation without paying the debt. Continue reading “The Price of Forgiveness” →

What the Lord did with his Yes

It is incredible what the Lord can do with a fervent “Yes.”

This thought came to mind as I heard the news of the death of the president emeritus of my alma mater. Fr. Michael Scanlan died this morning at 85 years old and the legacy he leaves behind is beautiful. I try not to canonize people too early and so I will say that Fr. Mike was an imperfect man, like many others. Yet his “Yes” to the Lord has changed the lives of many.

That is what I would like to spend a few minutes reflecting on right now. The Lord has a unique mission for each of us and accepting that mission will transform many lives. Fr. Mike reformed the Franciscan University of Steubenville from struggling local party college to a renowned pillar of orthodoxy. It was not on his own, of course, because he needed like minded people to work with him in this mission. As the president, however, he was at the forefront of changing the insignificant college into something that people would travel across the country to attend.

My heart changed in college. It was through the classes, ministries, and communal life that I experienced a profound deepening in my faith. My grandpa would frequently ask me if I chose this college simply because it was far from home. He would ask why I didn’t attend Catholic colleges far closer. Unless he went there, I don’t think I could explain to my grandpa the uniqueness of this college and how it helped reform my own heart. Fr. Mike’s “Yes” to Jesus Christ made this possible. There were many other yeses by many other people, but the “Yes” of Fr. Mike helped bring about change in the lives of many. When I consider all of the students who attended this college or all of the people impacted by the summer conferences, I thank the Lord for the gift and witness of Fr. Michael Scanlan. Continue reading “What the Lord did with his Yes” →

Captivated By a Baby

He is only five, but he seemed fixated by the scene unfolding before him. A mother of a newborn baby girl was gently unzipping the covering, unfastening the safety restraints, and then cradling the baby in her arms. My nephew is five years old, but he watched this all attentively. It was at Christmas morning Mass and so I could not help but be struck by the fact that the attention was focused on a baby.

My nephew didn’t say anything as he watched this all unfold and I doubt he reflected on it later. But it seemed fitting to me that such close attention was being paid to one in the same position that Christ Himself was in nearly two thousand years ago. A baby, small and frail, cradled in the arms of a mother.

Jesus, though God, was fully human. The arrivals of shepherds and wise men were most likely events by which He was unconcerned. At birth, babies can typically see the 8-10 inches between their faces and their parents’ faces but not further. So as Mary and Joseph are pondering the shepherds that came to kneel before their son, He is simply gazing into the face of His mother. Continue reading “Captivated By a Baby” →

Maranatha!

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” (The Summer Day, Mary Oliver)

We are on the brink of something new and something old. Hundreds of years have passed since the birth of Christ and yet we have never before been in this place, at this time, with these graces being offered. What will we do with it all?

Never again will I be right where I am right now. And part of me rejoices that this will not always be my lot because I eagerly look forward to the future. I want my life to change and be different than it is now. Yet in some future day, I may look back at right now and realize only then all that was good about this time. I do not want it be that way–I want to, right now, recognize the blessings of this moment, subtle though they may seem to my slow heart.

How is Christ being born into my life this day? How is He striving to shake up the world I’ve known for twenty-six years and say, “Behold, I am doing something new”? The graces He offers me today are not the same graces offered yesterday or the day before. They are always new. Jesus doesn’t offer left-overs, but rather He offers what is most fitting for the moment. He only ever offers the best to us.

In a special way, Christ is offering the gift of His birth this weekend. I cannot go to Bethlehem and see Him be born, but I can experience His birth in my life. Scripture is living and effective. It is not a nice story from hundreds of years ago, but rather it is a living reality now. How am I the innkeeper, refusing room to Jesus? How am I a shepherd, kneeling before a king yet uncertain of what He is asking of me? How am I St. Joseph, following the promptings of the Lord when He speaks to me? How am I the wise man, leaving home in search of a king for my life? Continue reading “Maranatha!” →

Where Jesus Most Wants To Be

During the course of my time in Europe, I saw many churches. While in Rome I was able to enter into some of the most beautiful churches in the world. The basilicas are famous for their antiquity and artistic wonders. As I wandered through Assisi, I was able to pray in beautiful churches as well. At the hermitage of St. Francis, the areas of prayer seemed notable for their austerity and simplicity. One of the most beautiful chapels I have ever seen was my sister’s convent in Pennsylvania—the bare, wooden floors, the large, dark crucifix, and the altar made from a tree trunk made the simplicity obvious yet gorgeous. In a different way, St. Peter’s Basilica caused me to reflect on God as I gazed at the giant statues and ornamental features. When done correctly, both the simple and the ornate can cause the faithful to enter into prayer.

It is a natural thing, as a Catholic, to hone in on the beautiful places that house our King and go there to worship. In the midst of the gothic spires and baroque architecture, it is easy to forget that the person who lives within is the same person who lives in every Catholic Church around the world. He is no greater or lesser in the soaring cathedrals than in the simple country church. He isn’t more or less present if his tabernacle is made of wood or pure gold. Continue reading “Where Jesus Most Wants To Be” →

That Others May Be Chosen

The Litany of Humility is one of those prayers that I hate. And love. And wish I loved more, but am a bit scared by. If ever there was a prayer that could level a solid crushing blow to the ego, I believe the Litany of Humility is a top contender.

“That others may be chosen and I set aside,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.”

There are several parts during this prayer that cause me to cringe, and this line is one of them. This cringing comes from the fact that I do not actually desire this to be true. It seems like it would be too difficult if this went from prayer to actuality.

Simply put: I want to be chosen.

Doesn’t everyone want to be chosen? I want to be the chosen confidant. I want to be the dearly loved and chosen friend. I want to be the favorite teacher. I want to be the one people choose to ask questions because they think I will know the answer. I want people to choose to read what I write. For so many things, I want people to choose me. Continue reading “That Others May Be Chosen” →

Getting to the Heart of the Matter

“I will not let Satan use my heart against me.”

Arguably, the topic I write about most is the human heart. This is probably because I am always struggling to come to terms with having one. The Lord redeemed the human heart when He became incarnate. I am certain it provided difficulties for Him, also, but He handled all of those temptations and challenges to prove that, with His grace, it can be done.

Scripture speaks often of the heart.
“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Mt. 6:21)
“My heart overflows with a goodly theme; I address my verses to the king; my tongue is like the pen of a ready scribe.” (Ps. 45:1)
“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” (Proverbs 4:23)
“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7)

Fyodor Dostoyevsky, in The Brothers Karamazov, said, “The awful thing is that beauty is mysterious as well as terrible. God and the devil are fighting there and the battlefield is the heart of man.” Beauty is a powerful force and both God and Satan use it for their own purposes. It moves our hearts, sometimes against our wishes or in spite of our intentions.

Our hearts are being fought over and so I guess it makes sense that mine so often feels like a war zone. Too often, however, the main focus can be me and not about how the Lord could be using feelings, situations, and circumstances to draw me closer to Himself. And when the focus rests on me, it becomes a pretty dismal outlook. In The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis recognizes this tendency in a letter to Wormwood, a young demon-in-training. “The simplest is to turn their gaze away from Him towards themselves. Keep them watching their own minds and trying to produce feelings there by the actions of their own wills.” Continue reading “Getting to the Heart of the Matter” →

Waiting: For Christmas and the End

“There is nothing restful about Advent yearning.”
(Come, Lord Jesus: Meditations on the Art of Waiting, Mother Mary Francis, P.C.C.)

Waiting.

I find myself waiting for a lot of things. Waiting for packages to arrive in the mail, waiting for conversations to occur, waiting for the end of the semester, or just waiting for something new to happen. Advent is filled to the brim with waiting.

We can often paint Advent as this oh-so-pleasant and peaceful time of waiting for Christmas. And, in a way, it is. It should be a time of peace and eager preparations. However, ask any pregnant woman, engaged couple, or person awaiting medical tests and they will tell you that waiting can be a time of difficult longing. There is a tension found in the waiting and, while not necessarily a bad thing, it isn’t always pleasant. Continue reading “Waiting: For Christmas and the End” →

Longing for Greatness

I’ve always longed for greatness. Not in the sense that everyone knows me or that I’m famous. Rather, I have always desired a great mission or task in life. I want to contribute something to the world and I want it to impact people. This weekend I watched The Courageous Heart of Irena Sendler and I was re-filled with the desire to pursue greatness.

Irena Sendler was a young Polish woman who lived during the time of World War II. She was a social worker, but her work went far beyond her simple job title. During the time that the Jewish people were being relocated to the ghettos and then to “work camps,” Irena worked tirelessly to smuggle children to safety. Risking her life, she worked with a courageous group to secretly save children by tucking them into tool boxes, packing them into boxes, or hiding them in vehicles. Later caught, she endured torture and was nearly killed, all the while never giving up any secrets.

In total, it is said that Irena Sendler and companions helped to save 2,500 Jewish children in Poland. The children were placed with convents or families throughout Poland. She kept meticulous records of who their parents were and where they were placed in the hopes that families would be reunited after the war. This young woman quietly changed the world and, initially, received little recognition for it. She was awarded Righteous Among the Nations in 1965 and later named an honorary citizen of Israel in 1991. In 2007, she was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. However, for most of her life she lived with little acclaim or notoriety for her heroic actions and sacrifices.

While I do not hope for concentration camps or totalitarian regimes, this is the greatness for which I long. I look at her life and I see a greatness that goes beyond one person. Yet the greatness that I see and anyone can see who looks at her life was not recognized by Irena herself. She did not see herself as a hero or seem pleased with her accomplishments. Instead, she said that she could have done more to save more children. Continue reading “Longing for Greatness” →

In the Midst of Chaos: Peace

Eight years ago, I sat in my college dorm room, watched election results, and cried.

I’m not particularly political by nature, but it was the first presidential election I could vote in and one that I had campaigned for despite personal discomfort. [Two words: phone banking.] As the “worst” happened, I couldn’t help but feel sad for our country and a concern that we were doomed.

Yesterday, I knew election results would not go the way I wanted, because I found it difficult to even voice a strong preference for president, other than, “Can we have different options?” While I care about my country and I know it is important to be active politically, I have chosen to remain a bit removed from the fray. It has given me a greater sense of peace over the past few months and I am grateful for that.

Walking out of the polling place yesterday, I just felt tired. I feel a bit like I voted for the election to simply be over. Question #1: Would you like the campaign season to end? Yes! Continue reading “In the Midst of Chaos: Peace” →

Seeking After His Heart

A Blog Following the Quest of A Human Heart

Category: Jesus