If you think I am a perfect person, this must be the first blog post you have ever read. That concept, that idea of perfection will be quickly shattered. And it should be, because it isn’t true.
Not long ago, I found myself in a situation where I would need to work at something with someone I didn’t know well. A few minutes into the encounter, prideful me thought, “I think this person can really learn a lot from me.” God is probably amused and a bit horrified by my internal dialogue. I didn’t mean it in a bad way and I didn’t think I was their savior by any means. In the moment, I simply thought this person could learn something from me.
However, an hour or so later, I came to the realization that actually that person might have a lot to teach me. In light of that awakening, I found my initial perception incredibly smug and prideful. It was a lesson in humility, one where I was able to see some of my flaws and shortcomings without there being a great embarrassing display.
The Lord is generous to me. He is quite generous in showing me the areas of my life that aren’t what they should be. He is also gracious, because He often makes these revelations in small, simple ways. A few words, a brief encounter, or a fleeting thought garners deeper insight upon later reflection.
He crushes me slowly, in a beautiful way. If He went in swinging at my large ego, I would take cover and protect it at all costs. Yet the way He works to dismantle it is far more subtle. It occurs in small exchanges and inspired ideas. My heart is able to handle the small steps far better than it would handle a crushing blow. He gives me tasks I cannot manage and situations I cannot handle to show that He must be my constant reference point.
Sometimes I think I see what the Lord is doing. He seems to be using me to aid someone else or follow His will so as to be a witness. Then, plot twist, I realize I am the one being aided and I am the one seeing how I should follow the Lord.
I guess as one who never liked leading, I should be glad the Lord simply asks me to follow.
It is with the smallest brushes that the Artist paints the best paintings.
-St. Andre Bessette