“I’m looking for my heart because I feel like I’ve lost it.” I was surprised by the honesty from the young Canadian friend I made on the Camino. It made one ache just to hear of the quest and immediately hope for the success of the mission.
Interestingly enough, my Camino quest was different. Instead of finding my heart, I wanted to give it away. Not to just anyone. I was seeking clarity and hope in regards to my vocation, but early on, I knew that I wanted to give my heart more fully to Jesus as I walked the next five hundred miles with Him.
The days on the Camino were simple, idealized in my memory now that blisters have healed. As an introvert, I relished the time spent walking alone, gazing at the beauty of nature and contemplating Beauty Himself.
In Leon, we went to Mass in the side chapel of the massive Cathedral. Refreshingly enough, we weren’t ousted from the chapel right at the end of Mass, permitting us some time to pray. Often throughout my walk I would picture myself with Jesus. In the chapel, I did the same thing. My intended meditation was hijacked by the Holy Spirit and instead of meditating on Mary, I was taken to an operating table. Jesus took my heart and gave me His Heart. It was simple but profound. Then He picked me up and carried me.
“Oh, I’m His cross,” I thought at first. But in the next thought/prayer, one that completely alters the initial perception, I contemplated, “No, I’m His Bride.“
Not a burden or a sacrifice, but a joy, a Beloved one. In that prayer in Leon, I experienced the reality of Christ’s desires. Longing to give my heart away, Christ is longing to receive my heart and give me His own heart. In a method of Divine Sacred Heart Transplant, He impressed upon me the knowledge that His home is in me and that my ache to give my heart away was matched by my less articulated ache to receive Him fully.